artresonance

7-29-2001          /12:01am/

It wasn’t supposed to be love
It was never supposed to be
I fooled myself many times before, but my heart keeps on calling you
Before i tried to run away
I tried to push a step away
But even then you were growing bigger inside me

I must love you this much
I must wait for you this much
No matter how much it hurts, my heart can’t leave you
There must be one love
My heart won’t change
The love I protected for you, now “I can tell you everything”

still as ever - lee hon ki (from you’re beautiful)

it says it all, except the word “love” and the “last part”…..its been a month and i guess i miss you that much to think that i have fallen for you completely….don’t worry, as long as i don’t see you regularly, i guess i can bear the “missing you” part…it may be a way of diminishing my feelings for you….i do hope by the time na mabasa mo to, i am either ready to tell you everything or completely forgotten my feelings for you…ohhh i guess i wouldn’t know that unless you tell me…who knows maybe nabasa mo n…its up to you i guess if you want to talk about it to me or just let it be…if you let it be, then i guess that’s a rejection in silence…ill just have to continue wondering whether you read it or not until the day i completely forget my feelings for you…till then, ciao!!!!

/12:14am/

7-01-2011          /10:57pm/

hi there!! so you thought that was the end…the tenth one right? well there is an encore…probably the conclusion of my feelings for you…or should i say the start of a new chapter? well i guess this “whoever you are” blogs for you explains the “beginning” of what we have right now…and what i feel about it (of course most parts just explains what i feel for you :P)…anyway going on to what i should say my conclusion…

right now i am so happy that finally, you are okay…well i guess that’s an understatement of what you are right now…i think you’ve recovered from a deep fall, managing to climb the steep cliff.. or woke up from a very bad dream….im not just happy for you, in fact i am proud of you…everything n ngyayari syo ngaun seem to be great for you (especially the day care thingy)…and honestly, i can’t help to be happy…parang ang gaan lng ng feeling sobra…ewan ko bkit…hahaha

with that saying, i asked myself again…so do i like you or not? the answer is YES i like you….a lot!!! para kcng ikaw as a person has this deep qualities na i find attractive…i mean the way you see things…the irony of who you are outside and who you are inside seem to be different…i don’t know, when you’re at work, you seem to be that “dragon” or “amazona” type of person, palasigaw, palamura, etc etc…pero when we talk or txt…nawawala ung personality n un eh…para kng nagiging innocent child na willing to learn yet so fragile…ewan ko ba…ang nice mong tao eh…even if you’re just going with the flow with my actions and care for you…you make me feel appreciated khit papano…THANK YOU…

so what now??? ngaung okay ka na and 75% of my heart says that i like you…what now??? well, i guess the answer is THESE…these letters…its too early for me to tell that you’re the one…and i know it is the same for you…and the thing is, why would we be bothered of the future if we can enjoy the present? hahaha dba? khit kinikilig ako n parang you’re starting to show na somehow you are comfortable with me and you trust me…ayoko isipin n you’re starting to like me…

sa totoo lng…i think i need to show you n i like you more than a friend, or else you’ll just see me as a friend like denver…and if by that time, filing ko like talaga kita, masasaktan lng ako and you’ll just be like clarice…i need to be extraordinary khit sabihin kong its too early to tell…i want to give you a hint, one step at a time…make you realize little by little na im a potential guy in your life…hmmmmmm CHALLENGE ACCEPTED???? hahahahaha o sya im thinking of a sweet way to greet you tom morning without actually giving you the big picture…siguro 1 puzzle piece out of a thousand lng ang ibibigy ko tom syo wahahahaha :))

nytie nyt nyt!!!

/11:37pm/

6-23-2011           11:55pm

hi there, i dont know what to say this time…i don’t even know if i still need to do this…days ago i was so affected with your emo moments that i didn’t even sleep well…when i wake up im still concerned whether you’re alright or not, but in the end i realize that all you need is to let it out…i overreacted…probably the one feeling i hate the most is when i feel so helpless especially when i know someone needs a help…when you said that you feel that there is something wrong with you, that triggered my emotions of concern kasi its just too sad for you to feel that way…if only things were different i would rush by your side that time and hug you without any malice or whatsoever…anyway enough of that, after seeing you being okay that day, i decided not to worry anymore…and these thoughts came

“so do i like you as a friend only or more than that?”

“why do i feel this way towards you?”

“are you starting to see my deeds? well, nde s nagpaparamdam ako ahh”

“why am i doing such sweet deeds to you if im not sure”

etc etc etc etc etc….

(im listening to CANON in C sa youtube…..kinikilig ako <3 <3 <3)

anyway as i was saying…aun nga nagoverthink n nmn ako and since we watched a movie, i felt empty because of this confusion, im starting to think n friend lng tingin ko syo and i felt empty :(…..promise, parang gusto ko na ilike k more than friends kc i learned a lot from you…im starting to see your inner beauty and i am like falling for it…pero parang for me its just theory, kc mararamdaman mo lng ung spark kung nakakasama mo ung taong gusto mo…dba??? HAYS!!! im still so confused right now!! pero i dont want to think about it na!! i promise myself i wont overthink na…i need a clear mind to act properly…(i ended txting you OMG someone confessed to you?????? parang natatakot n tuloy ako LOL hahaha)

HONESTLY, a big part of me wants to make this the last letter for you….not because i made ten already (coincidence lng) because i want to end this…friends tyo, friends lng muna as long as i can keep it that way i wouldn’t cross any lines…the only way i would know if i really like you is when the feeling is so mutual we would both know that it is what it is…i believe that love is a natural thing, it would hit us so NATURALLY that we don’t have to talk about it…we would just feel it and before we know it…we’re happy…(wait pause k muna s thoughts mo, i’m not referring to the possibility na maging tyo, i am just explaining how i see love and how i want it to work with me okay???!!!)

if this is my last letter to you then ill leave this be…in some sort of way, you’ve become a part of my life and i’ve learned a lot from you…somehow you’re a special friend na nde ko makakalimutan…Godbless you always okay…if its not me whom you will be with forever, i hope that guy will give you that LOVE that will change you forever…that LOVE that’s so cute and lovely, you don’t want anything else but to be with him…and i hope by the love of God, he will not hurt you….hhahahahaa till then!! ciao!

(LOVELY feeling just listening to canon and windstruck’s song!!!)

/1:56pm/

6-20-2011          /1:00am/

ughhhh! it pains me to know that you’re in pain right now…what’s more painful for me is the fact that i want to be that guy who will make you forget the pains you had before with other guys and yet i’m not really sure of myself right now…like the fact the my mind is racing whether i should give these letters to you now, and make you feel that i am different from any other guys you’ve met…i know in my heart that my feeling is true for you…the feeling that i care for you…i still don’t know if i love you na…pero i don’t want to risk it…i just want to show you the love and care i can give you as a friend…without expecting anything for return…MY GOSH i really want to let this thing out!!!! i end up feeling this way because of you…its not in a bad way though…i really care for you…and i may be falling for you but shit talga!!!!!! kc i hate it when i feel helpless!!!especially for someone whom i care so much…here’s the thing, i hate the fact that i can’t think of a way to comfort you without making you think that i want to be that “guy” for you, make you feel somewhat better and i end up courting you even if im not yet sure of what i feel…and then i would say that “i promise i won’t be like them….blah blah blah blah” and after realizing so many things in life, ill end up hurting you so much that my conscience couldn’t bear to think…promise robi i care for you, and who knows whether its a romantic care or platonic care….all i know is that i care for you this much that i couldn’t even sleep even though i already said good night and sweet dreams….screeeew it!!!!! (isang oras mo n ako iniignore, PROMISE IT KILLS ME RIGHT NOW….. i guess we both need to sleep this off….)

/1:22am/

6-18-2011          /9:05pm/

hi there!!! FINEEEE!!! you insisted na wag n kita sunduin!! pero i really want to fetch youuuuuuuuuuuu!!!! kahapon p kita actually gusto samahan, i had my chance but i wasted it because of my conscience with friends…i talked to errol kc and he was like making me guilty if i go with you instead of playing basketball with them…promise i am so confused yesterday!!!! and you know what, i just realized that i really blew my chance BIG TIME, kc everything that happened to you yesterday seemed to be inviting me to come with you…like the fact that you can’t ride a bus directly to finch station and you went to bathurst street pa just to go around…i realized that it was a sign na “i should come with you since you’re right there!!!”  and also the fact that you were really wanting me to go seemed so unreal!! screw it tlaga!!!!! im not blaming my friends though….its just that wAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

do you know why im so eager to fetch you or let’s just say, be with you??!!!!, it’s because i want to know if i just like you as a friend or more than that….and the only way of knowing that is by spending my time with you…i definitely can’t figure that one out if ill just txt you every night right????its my first step of knowing whether i like you or not…but trust me when i say that whatever happens, ill continue to show my care for you…i already proved that i can still care and show love to female friends n akala ko like ko at first pero narealized ko hanggang friends lng tlga ang tingin ko s knila…and i am so blessed that i have that opportunity…(arghhhh sana pumayag k nlng!!, nde talaga ako mapakali na maisip n magisa k lng ngaun s byaheee!!!! SHIT!!!) anyway as i was saying…i do hope ill still have an opportunity to be with you next time…i believe that if a second opportunity comes, or even more opportunity may come then that’s exactly the sign that God is showing me the answer i need…if not, then i might just look for another sign that God wants me to see….

like i said before, whether i like you or not, it won’t matter unless you’re willing to open your heart to me…and trust me like you once did (LOL)….i won’t know that unless i feel it….and the only way i can feel it would be spending my time with you…i don’t actually believe that you’ll be BOLD and tell me you like me if that happens right??? so please….help me God that you’ll realized in your own way all the things that i am saying now…because by fact, i can’t just tell these things to you now….it’s too early….we both know that, GODBLESS you in your trip, (you’re probably in BLOOR now so take care okay??)

before i end this message i want to share this song for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIZmDHPqGl4&feature=related

this is just exactly how i feel for you!!!!!!!

/9:50pm/

6-16-2011          /10:37pm/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=840NbiFF1zM&feature=related

i just want to share this to youu!!!! especially the cartoon made by the falling dvd cases…with me starting to fall for you, the cartoon touched my heart….well, im not hoping or expecting anything, im just happy that somehow we met each other and we’re good friends… :))

/10:41pm/

6-15-2011          /9:34pm/

“……Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
It would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
And baby that’s a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing……..

How long, can I go on like this,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn’t healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Cause maybe there’s a lot that I miss
In case I’m wrong………”

-if it kills me by jason mraz-

this is exactly how i feel right now….haysssss!! yeah sorry im thinking of you too much that it makes me hate myself…well i know i should go with the flow but this past few days, somehow your simple gestures kind of making me kilig to the bones!!! SHITTY!! hahahaha anyway….it was last tuesday i think when you txt me first with the morning greeting…at that moment i am typing my greeting for you, (ohhh time out my tooth hurts!!!!!!!) so of course i don’t want to think it at that time but honestly YOU MADE ME SMILE!!!! (i think this was the first time you made me smile because of something you did, sometimes i just laughed at your silliness at work…+ points for youuuu!!! :P) anyway that time i would be honest to you, there is something in you that i feel so weird but amazingly captivating…i don’t know….i’m an overthinker right? so maybe i just overthink because i think i like you….(OMG you txted!!! haha wala lng trip ko lng imention) at the middle of that day you actually made me smile again,…knowing tha you’re off that time, before i go back to work, i decided to txt you a simple “INGAT” but i was so surprised to see your message…it was so random and unexpected…you asked me to get your gum that you left at work…that was soooo random but sweet!!!! (because as far as i know you, you always leave gums or chocolates without even caring…well that’s what i thought okayyy??) so i THANK YOU if you for that…whatever reason you have why you did that simple gesture of sweetness, is for you to know and for me to guess…honestly im starting to think that you’re starting to see me as someone you can count on….A GUY that can be there for you….i don’t want to think that you’re liking me too because its way too early…we still have that feeling of our previous loves….well i just want to tell you that whatever happens, ill continue to be a reliable friend to you…ill show you as much as i could, as honest i can be for myself, the care and “love” i can give to you….if its a friendly love, i wouldn’t cross any line for you to think to hope that i am that “guy” in your life…if its romantic love, ill show it to you in my own pace and ill make sure you’ll see it so you would know how to react…then i would base my decision to go for it in that reaction….OKAYYYYY!!!!????

so i guess that’s it for now…LOL GOODNIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS!!! though natxt n kita just miutes ago…

P.S. nkakaiyak ang “mula sa puso” ng tfc, namatay ung bidang girl, si via…T_T

/10:29pm/

6-13-2011           9:32am

good morning “whoever you are”!!!!! naunahan mo ako by seconds knina s magbati!!! LOL i was still half asleep that time, nakahiga p ako…anyway, dallas won last night!!! grabe ung feeling!! ang saya lng talaga, not because i won 25$ but its the fact that i enjoyed watching and cheering for the mavs kc nagbet ako ng 25$…if i dont have something to lose, parang mejo less ung excitement nung game…so i was pretty glad n i made the bet para maenjoy ko ung laro ng ganun!!!! nde ko lng alam if our friend would pay LOL….

anyway, alam mu b before the game, i was playing basketball alone, and nagprapractice ako shooting…before i left, i thought of you and i decided to shoot for a decision…(like flipping a coin)…as im still confused kung like talaga kita…i decided to shoot whether i would say goodnight to you or not…LOL!!! (so childish!!) well it went in, at take note…sa 3 points un!!! so nagulat ako kc b4 that shot i was not shooting any three’s…so tinira ko ulit on the same spot to make sure that it counts…and it went in…hahaha but you see, as the game was playing, i remembered that shot i took for you…and i thought what the hell, kung gusto kita kamustahin bkit ko ibabase s bola ung decision????? so aun kinamusta kita and i felt something wrong with you…

how would i put this, hmmmm i don’t know if you’re talking about “trust” in general or “trust” in love…..kc the latter could take a very long time for you not unless someone will make you forget these worries…”trust” in general is not that hard to give…your “madams” will be the best example for it, though i dont know how close you are to them, i believe n you trust them right??? about me having feelings for you, thinking about the future makes it complicated…like whether may chance b ako or wala, kung may chance, what would be our relationship be like, kung wala, magiging awkward ba tyo sa work pag nagkikita tyo….stuffs like that…

anyway just to tell you, i am enjoying talking and sharing stuffs with you…i am enjoying the habit of txting you mornings and goodnights…i am enjoying seeing you smile and happy khit super simple lng ang dahilan (kc mostly nasa work tyo so laugh trip lng minsan si marlon at ung ibang customers)….basically, im at my own pace…alam ko you’re going with the flow with me, im not sure if you have any idea n may nagkakagusto n ako syo…pero as of now, “let it be”…live your life in your own pace…sabe ko nga confused p ako so go with the flow k lng muna skin…hahaha

anyway late na ako s work!!! time to prepare!! hahaha nde ko na nacontinue ung im yours s piano today…i was suppose to continue the next part pero since nadala n ako sa pagwriwrite syo, mamaya nlng paguwi ko ako magplay…till then!!!!

sincerely writing, “someone who cares” (LOL!!!)

/10:10am/

6-09-2011         11:16pm

hi!!!!! its game time tonight, 4th quarter in dallas and miami game 5….i feel like telling to you things that i am very shy telling you directly…(fuck!!!! miami took the lead by 1!!!! sbe ko kc manood ka eh!!)

anyway, so what is it now???? well i started the day with a clear thought…no worries, not even the confusion i have with my feelings for you…i don’t know, i just woke up thinking “no worries!!!” LOL….(okay you’re probably sleeping na, wahahaha game update!! sorry mejo tumigil ako for a while in typing kc sobrang gandaaaaaa ng laro!! dallas wins!!! :P) so where was i, hmmmm o yeah like i said my mind was clear today and i never thought i would see something great in you…

how do i put it in words, well, its just that i never felt anything negative in you today(unlike most of the days, its either you’re tired or you’re undergoing problems or whatever)…and most of the time, you were laughing and smiling…which was great for you…i just realized that if only you are like this every day, i would probably not be this confused whether i like you or not…cause the truth is, i was searching for this moment, being with you or even txting with you without discussing any of our love problems…its just feels so nice (credits as well to ej and ate rina kc kasama ntin sila today)

anyway….as of now, hopefully there is more to come na ganun ka…like that fun!!!! and like ganun kakulit kasama…kc dun ko malalaman if like kita or not and if its worth the try…hahahaha!! thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

/12:14am/

5-08-2011          /12:10am/

hi!!!

i just watched x-men and yes it pretty cool. hays, i told you on my second letter that i would only do this if i feel like i’m going to burst with emotions on you…but the truth is, i’m an overthinker, like it or not, i overthink in simple things…so what i failed to tell you from the first two letters is that, i am also doing this in order to control that thinking…in order to stop me from getting deeper into thought…i don’t like it, it’s not really healthy sometimes, and i know you know what i mean….hahaha!

so what is it now you may ask, as of this moment i feel like i don’t like you romantically, and i feel like i am being sucked into the situation where we’re both having the same problems…i know that it would take a while before you open your heart again to someone…and the chances that you would open your heart to me, is very unlikely as of now…yes, i like you, but only because so far, you’ve been my comforter when i’m in need. like i told you before, its better for me when i talk to girls about love problems because  i understand their point of views very well…but you know what, it was only you who gave me straight answers when i need it most…and amazingly, im starting to fall for those answers and probably your sensitive personality about love…well contrary to that, i never thought that you would be so intimidating outside and yet so vulnerable inside…i am honestly intimidated by you, and believe me, i am working on that…..i have a very close friend who has the same intimidating personality as you have, so i guess its about how i can manage to feel comfortable with you…

honestly, its not the question of whether i like you or not, its a question whether i have a chance to you or not…and unless i have that confidence to even ask you out and know for myself that i have a chance, i would never know…unless God himself give us a moment to actually make realize whatever it is that can be for the two of us….

with that saying, i want thank you for being my friend…if this is a very offensive act for you, i would gladly stop and shy away to you…cause what’s important to me is not what i feel about you, its how you feel about me…your happiness is far more important than my happiness..(lol so cheezy!!! so i guess i should stop now)

anyway till then!!, im sleepy, mavs won 2-2 great game!!!

/12:33/